Holidays/Clothes…

Hello and welcome to another Dr B post. The reason for the breaking of the promise was that I was called to Norfolk for a while suddenly, and there was no internet. But now I am on holiday, I can post more! (Except for acouple of weeks in august when I will be touring California in a camper van).

ANYway, today I want to talk about clothes.

I recently had a meal at a food place. (Sorry, mind blank…) (Wow. I am so not not unvague.) (HA. Triple negative. Not unpwned.) (I missed brackets.) Anyway, I spilt some pesto stuffoid on my clothoids and they promptly died. So, I took of this item of suffering, and sat on it.

The point is that clothes are what people instantly judge you by. So wear nice clothes and you will get friended. And subscribed to. (Hint hint.)

Yesterday, when all my troubles seemed so far away, I saw A.G.W. wearing an awesome jumper that must have cost him more than it costs me to eat for eight years. So I said, A.G.W., nice clothes. Then I walked away.The tears of a clown. Or a blogger. Anyway, as I said, I am on holiday, and I will be going to America. So when I get back, there will be an extra long post about it! YAY!

Benci

Braintickler…

AURGHRGHUAGGRH. I haven’t posted in soooo long. Totally, like. I’m sorry, my computer had a virus. AURGHRGHUAGGRH. It was very disturbing, as it looked exactly like a de-virusising software, which was discombobulating. Anyway, I actually am sorry, so I will make a promise to you fanoids out there. I, Doctorbenzi (Blad), solemnly swear to post every ten days. There. Done. Happy? No? Join the club.

 But I digress. The point of this post is to rant on about stuff, so I set to with a will. (What does that mean?)

You know Charlie, yeah? He’s just died.

You know Alex, yeah? He’s just died.

You know James, yeah…

Get off the roof and  hand me the gun RIGHT NOW. *

That was pointless. And funny. (Basically sums me up, doesn’t it?) But what I’m really trying to say is: (…) Er, see the movie Senna. But be prepared to be moved. (Out of your seat when the cinema is overbooked…) I saw it on… er… Saturday. It was very good. Gooder than most documentaries.

Due to the promising title of this post, I have resolved to end every post with a brainteaser. So here is today’s:

Three teams.

A    B     C       A beats B, and B beats C. But then C beats A. All victories are by the same amount,(i.e. all are 1-0.)  except A vs C, which is 2-0. Which is the best team? (This is dedicated to A.G.W.)

Benqui

* This joke is from Milton Jones’ ‘Hello’ album.

Icons…

Recently, I was in a Ford Mondeo, and the driver thought it appropriate to suddenly live his childhood fantasy of winning the World Rally Championship. This was quite irritating, as he promptly drove straight off the road and into a field… full of bemused sheep.

This made me angry, but not as angry as my watch, who now displays two rather worrying little icons, that look dangerously like ”LOW BATTERY, YOU FOOL.” and ”AAAGGGH. STOP PRESSING MY MANY BUTTONS IN A LARGELY INCOMPETENT WAY.” This is disturbing.  So I wrote a post about it. (For those of you who are wondering where you can find that post, you can’t. Because you clearly have the intellectual capacity of a greyhound’s toenail.) (Sorry.)

 Also rather worryingly, (or so I thought) was the fact that my computer permanently has a little exclamation mark in the corner. For a long time, I did not know the reason for this cute little piece of punctuation, but once I hovered my mouse over it, it promptly shouted at me ”SOLVE PC ISSUES: 1 MESSAGE”. Aarggh! This was disturbing, as I look after my PC, and I don’t like being written at in large letters. (Written at? Memo to self: FIND BETTER SHOUTING METAPHORS.) Anyway, after I had got over this severe trauma, I plucked up the courage to find out about my critical PC ISSUE: 1 MESSAGE thingamabob. I did.

 

The message was ”PC IS FINE.”

 

 

 

Thanks.

 

Bennikwerthugn

Rubik’s Cube…

Sorry for not posting in a long time, I would have if I could have, but I didn’t want to.

So. The Rubik’s cube. I own two examples of this wonderful puzzle, and I can only solve one side. A friends of mine can solve the whole thing quickly. (R.A.) Which is quite cool.

The image above you is what is known as a ’LazyCube’. (I still can’s solve it. No, really.) Which brings me on to my next point. Why is everyone so obsessed with acheiving? (OK, maybe that has nothing to do with anything I have thus said.) Why can’t people just accept things. Like caves in Kent. (Speaking from no experience whatsoever, caves in Kent notoriously are home to many species of Rubik’s cube. That’s right, the Rubik’s cube is a wild animal tht feeds off mushrooms. I hate mushrooms.)

As I write, I have headphones on. For no particular reason.  Another fact about Kent: Every year, stupid Cube-Spotters (they exist. Sort of.) get lost out there, every day. That made no sense. But does life make any sense? You know… arpeggio. (Sorry about that. Saying arpeggio at the end of sentences sounds cool and deep. Try it… arpeggio.) (What is an arpeggio?) (What is the meaning of life?)

What was the point of this post? Oh yeah…arpeggio.

Benerno (Work it out.)

Semicolons; I use them in excess. (As well as pointless brackets.)

Thinkoids…

I’ve been thinking. (‘You’ve been thinking! That’s a change of pace.’ - Like Mike, 2002.) No really, I have. I thought about humans. I cried. I thought about lemons. I regained the will to live. But anyway, I was thinking about life. (Oh no! Here goes another moving and inspirational post!) I was thinking that humans think too much.

We do, actually. Every second of our lives is spent rationalising, talking, (‘You talking to me?’ – Taxi Driver, 1976.) blogging, writing. But why? I don’t know. Thinking hurts my porridge. (Porridge – Brain synonym. Suitable, for some fans of mine.)

Enough seriousness. You don’t come to this blog for that. (You probably don’t come to this blog at all, unless you are A.G.W, F.F, N.C-J, A.C. Which you’re not. Are you.) I want this post to be enjoyable. So I will tell a joke:

How many A.G.Ws does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. To change the lightbulb. (Sorry if I offended you, but I did try to make it completely unreferential to anyone. Apart from A.G.W. Obviously.) (Sort of.)

 Bennisdfighbwes. Pronounce that!

Thank you to N.C-J for inspiration. Please check out his blogs.

Chess…

Chess is a wonderful game. Many people play it for leisure, competitively, even professionally. It is fun. I am quite good at chess, but I know someone who is very good indeed. (You know who I mean, A.G.W.) I like chess. (I state the obvious.) But why am I posting about a game? I’m a pessimist, aren’t I? ( Latin - Pessimus/Pessime, meaning very bad/the worst, very badly.) (Sorry about that. It’s part of my new ‘Educate the doctorbenzi fans’ project. Current amount of information transported to other’s minds: 0.0000001 nuggets. And that was my blog username. In the bipenultimate sentence. Check it out.) (Oooh. Benzi said a fancy word! The recommended sentence is now antepenultimate. Bow down to me, the master of language.) (Bow down was present imperative active.)

 Anyway, back to chess. What’s that? You forgot I was talking about chess, because I was ranting on about language? Ah well.) Chess is very simple. You move your pieces to win the game. (A.G.W. will give you full rules in a comment. Won’t he?) (Hint hint.) As I was saying, before we were so rudely interrupted by that picture to your left, chess is one of the most widely-played games in the world, and the Russians are good at it. (That explains A.G.W. He’s Russian*.) (Actually, I wasn’t saying that before I inserted the picture, but hopefully no one noticed.)

Bensparov (Work it out.)

* Sort of.

ASDF (Random)

Possibly the greatest animated skits of all time, the legendary ASDF movies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYnsfV5N2n8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKB4h9gvmm0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oY6tCnu-1Do&feature=relmfu

What if?

My good friend, chingching01, posted a short thought-provoking story titled What If? I am going to imitate that, for imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Anyway, what if computers had not been invented? I would not be typing this now. What if lemons had not been discovered? Er… not much, but it would mean I could not have my Gravatar, and that is clearly important. What if Dr Seuss had not invented the word nerd? (He did: I am cleverly educating you subliminally and therefore becoming a hugely respected figure in my local community. Sort of.) Then not much would have happened except more people would be geeks, which is no bad thing. (See?! I am not anti-geek. Sort of. Sorry anti-geeks.)

But the answer is clear. If all these things had not happened, no one would know, and this post would be slightly different. Ah well. Just be thankful that they did happen, and that tis post is like this.

Thank you Alex, Fred and Niall for the inspiration. Goodnight.

Benkezaswerd

Eco-deadly…

 One of my earlier posts, I hate/love the world, may have given you the impression that I was a cheerful, happy-g0-lucky optimist. I’m not. I tend to look at the bad side of things before the good. My glass is always half-full, but it is with poison and it has a leak. And what particularly annoys me is people who think that they have the moral high ground, just because they drive a Toyota Prius, or recycle almost every day/week/year. They don’t. The best kind of help is the one you don’t notice, or the one you don’t brag about at the golf club. (Disclaimer: I do not own a Prius, and I do not play golf.) I like to toast chestnuts on an open fire. I know that is not very good for global warming, so I try and be eco-friendly the next day, by running instead of driving, or recycling.

So this brings me onto my main point. Why waste your time with being better, when you can be the best? Why not, instead of telling everyone that you only ate mushrooms yesterday, do it today. But you can’t, because at the moment you are eating steak, as a reward for being so brilliant. Wait. Doesn’t that mean you just boosted global warming? But you’re eco-golfer! What is the world coming to? (That was not a good sentence. I shouldn’t have said that, should I?)

Eco-Benzi

A breath of compressed air…

Air vs Petrol… who would win?

The challenge set was to build a safe, comfortable car that weighed less than 1,000 lb (454kg), could seat four easily, but had to look good. So not the easiest of tasks, then. And this is what Honda came up with. Powered by compressed air, it was not original, as Volvo (amongst others) also built an air-powered car. But none of that matters. What matters is this: It’s a Honda. Not a company renowned for thrilling, radical cars. (Except maybe the NSX and the Civic Type R.) So if they can come up with something that looks like this, they may have some hidden talent with building exciting cars. Then we could send them a letter, asking them to use this talent in new production cars, and Hondas would be interesting, and the world would be happy.

Just don’t be surprised if you get a letter from me soon.

Benzo