This is a sneak preview of my second blog, Benzi Blad:
Right. The scene was set. I had my tellie tubbies water bottle, and my cold curry. I was going to watch the matrix signs change. (I don’t have a TV, innit.) But guess what, blads? The water was bad. I dunno. It had cancer or something, and I ended up getting ill, innit. Blads!? Wass going on?
So I’m in hospital, surrounded by all these dead peeps, yeah, and I get better somehow. So my mum comes in blad. She says ‘Benzi. Taking yo for a treat, 2 celebrate yo getting out o’ hospital.’ (Yeh. My mum speaks in text speak. Blad, she ain’t right in the head. Or anywhere else.) So guess where she takes me blad? To the frickin’ aquarium. I’m like ‘MUM! I don’t like water any more. Or tellie tubbies.’
ANYway, in the aquarium, right. And there’s a shark. Blad! Why does that shark look so frickin’ depressed? Then I see it. Blad, it’s a dead cow. ‘WTF!’ my mum remarks cleverly.
‘Mum, why’s there a dead cow in the shark tank?’
‘Spending cuts, innit.’
‘It’s doubled up as a Damien Hirst exhibition.’
This was confusing, so I settled my troubled mind by eating. As always.