Hello and welcome to another Dr B post. The reason for the breaking of the promise was that I was called to Norfolk for a while suddenly, and there was no internet. But now I am on holiday, I can post more! (Except for acouple of weeks in august when I will be touring California in a camper van).

ANYway, today I want to talk about clothes.

I recently had a meal at a food place. (Sorry, mind blank…) (Wow. I am so not not unvague.) (HA. Triple negative. Not unpwned.) (I missed brackets.) Anyway, I spilt some pesto stuffoid on my clothoids and they promptly died. So, I took of this item of suffering, and sat on it.

The point is that clothes are what people instantly judge you by. So wear nice clothes and you will get friended. And subscribed to. (Hint hint.)

Yesterday, when all my troubles seemed so far away, I saw A.G.W. wearing an awesome jumper that must have cost him more than it costs me to eat for eight years. So I said, A.G.W., nice clothes. Then I walked away.The tears of a clown. Or a blogger. Anyway, as I said, I am on holiday, and I will be going to America. So when I get back, there will be an extra long post about it! YAY!



AURGHRGHUAGGRH. I haven’t posted in soooo long. Totally, like. I’m sorry, my computer had a virus. AURGHRGHUAGGRH. It was very disturbing, as it looked exactly like a de-virusising software, which was discombobulating. Anyway, I actually am sorry, so I will make a promise to you fanoids out there. I, Doctorbenzi (Blad), solemnly swear to post every ten days. There. Done. Happy? No? Join the club.

 But I digress. The point of this post is to rant on about stuff, so I set to with a will. (What does that mean?)

You know Charlie, yeah? He’s just died.

You know Alex, yeah? He’s just died.

You know James, yeah…

Get off the roof and  hand me the gun RIGHT NOW. *

That was pointless. And funny. (Basically sums me up, doesn’t it?) But what I’m really trying to say is: (…) Er, see the movie Senna. But be prepared to be moved. (Out of your seat when the cinema is overbooked…) I saw it on… er… Saturday. It was very good. Gooder than most documentaries.

Due to the promising title of this post, I have resolved to end every post with a brainteaser. So here is today’s:

Three teams.

A    B     C       A beats B, and B beats C. But then C beats A. All victories are by the same amount,(i.e. all are 1-0.)  except A vs C, which is 2-0. Which is the best team? (This is dedicated to A.G.W.)


* This joke is from Milton Jones’ ‘Hello’ album.


Recently, I was in a Ford Mondeo, and the driver thought it appropriate to suddenly live his childhood fantasy of winning the World Rally Championship. This was quite irritating, as he promptly drove straight off the road and into a field… full of bemused sheep.

This made me angry, but not as angry as my watch, who now displays two rather worrying little icons, that look dangerously like ”LOW BATTERY, YOU FOOL.” and ”AAAGGGH. STOP PRESSING MY MANY BUTTONS IN A LARGELY INCOMPETENT WAY.” This is disturbing.  So I wrote a post about it. (For those of you who are wondering where you can find that post, you can’t. Because you clearly have the intellectual capacity of a greyhound’s toenail.) (Sorry.)

 Also rather worryingly, (or so I thought) was the fact that my computer permanently has a little exclamation mark in the corner. For a long time, I did not know the reason for this cute little piece of punctuation, but once I hovered my mouse over it, it promptly shouted at me ”SOLVE PC ISSUES: 1 MESSAGE”. Aarggh! This was disturbing, as I look after my PC, and I don’t like being written at in large letters. (Written at? Memo to self: FIND BETTER SHOUTING METAPHORS.) Anyway, after I had got over this severe trauma, I plucked up the courage to find out about my critical PC ISSUE: 1 MESSAGE thingamabob. I did.
The message was ”PC IS FINE.”

Rubik’s Cube…

Sorry for not posting in a long time, I would have if I could have, but I didn’t want to.

So. The Rubik’s cube. I own two examples of this wonderful puzzle, and I can only solve one side. A friends of mine can solve the whole thing quickly. (R.A.) Which is quite cool.

The image above you is what is known as a ‘LazyCube’. (I still can’s solve it. No, really.) Which brings me on to my next point. Why is everyone so obsessed with acheiving? (OK, maybe that has nothing to do with anything I have thus said.) Why can’t people just accept things. Like caves in Kent. (Speaking from no experience whatsoever, caves in Kent notoriously are home to many species of Rubik’s cube. That’s right, the Rubik’s cube is a wild animal tht feeds off mushrooms. I hate mushrooms.)

As I write, I have headphones on. For no particular reason.  Another fact about Kent: Every year, stupid Cube-Spotters (they exist. Sort of.) get lost out there, every day. That made no sense. But does life make any sense? You know… arpeggio. (Sorry about that. Saying arpeggio at the end of sentences sounds cool and deep. Try it… arpeggio.) (What is an arpeggio?) (What is the meaning of life?)

What was the point of this post? Oh yeah…arpeggio.

Benerno (Work it out.)

Semicolons; I use them in excess. (As well as pointless brackets.)

What if?

My good friend, chingching01, posted a short thought-provoking story titled What If? I am going to imitate that, for imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Anyway, what if computers had not been invented? I would not be typing this now. What if lemons had not been discovered? Er… not much, but it would mean I could not have my Gravatar, and that is clearly important. What if Dr Seuss had not invented the word nerd? (He did: I am cleverly educating you subliminally and therefore becoming a hugely respected figure in my local community. Sort of.) Then not much would have happened except more people would be geeks, which is no bad thing. (See?! I am not anti-geek. Sort of. Sorry anti-geeks.)

But the answer is clear. If all these things had not happened, no one would know, and this post would be slightly different. Ah well. Just be thankful that they did happen, and that tis post is like this.

Thank you Alex, Fred and Niall for the inspiration. Goodnight.



 One of my earlier posts, I hate/love the world, may have given you the impression that I was a cheerful, happy-g0-lucky optimist. I’m not. I tend to look at the bad side of things before the good. My glass is always half-full, but it is with poison and it has a leak. And what particularly annoys me is people who think that they have the moral high ground, just because they drive a Toyota Prius, or recycle almost every day/week/year. They don’t. The best kind of help is the one you don’t notice, or the one you don’t brag about at the golf club. (Disclaimer: I do not own a Prius, and I do not play golf.) I like to toast chestnuts on an open fire. I know that is not very good for global warming, so I try and be eco-friendly the next day, by running instead of driving, or recycling.

So this brings me onto my main point. Why waste your time with being better, when you can be the best? Why not, instead of telling everyone that you only ate mushrooms yesterday, do it today. But you can’t, because at the moment you are eating steak, as a reward for being so brilliant. Wait. Doesn’t that mean you just boosted global warming? But you’re eco-golfer! What is the world coming to? (That was not a good sentence. I shouldn’t have said that, should I?)



Hello and welcome to my first personal post. Now, I am not very brilliantly O.K at being personal, because I maybe very not often probably make sense. But I’ll try. As I write, I am staring out the window, watching life move by me. This is sounding a bit moving, isn’t it? I’ll rephrase it: as I pound angrily on the keys, I sneer out the grimy window as the awful pollution of London moves by me cruelly and unnoticingly. What I’m trying to say is that there are two ways to look at life. And, unlike what some people will (try) and tell you is that complex and detailed is not always better. If I were to take a walk around London, noticing every little detail, I would move to Kent and sit in a cave all day. But if I took the same walk, but only appreciated the beautiful and brilliant about our city, I would not be by now sitting in a cave, because that would mean I could not write moving posts like this one, because there is not a lot moving and meaningful about a cave in Kent. Sorry Kent. So this brings me to my conclusion. Always look on the bright side of (Kent) life!